An Excerpt from 'Dog Days'

          This is from ashort story called 'Dog Days' which is in my next book (as yet unnamed) of short stories. The hero is in the hospital. His roommate is Sol.This is a semi-X-rated part. 

               Bright and early, way too early, Sol woke me again with his annoying ‘Wakey, wakey!’ thing and then when I didn’t respond he was on top of me again, even though – speaking of ‘trees’ – I had a very impressive morning wood thing going on and in my dream, well, never mind. I was just glad – mostly – that it didn’t carry over to Sol’s sitting on my stomach bare assed naked again, and bouncing up and down. I groaned, highly confused over my mixed feelings. The jerk was oblivious. Um, wait a minute, he just stopped being oblivious. I think I’m about to learn something – BRB.

               Oh. My. God. After this I didn’t care what Sol was – trying – to …

               I think I could get used to this.

               I wonder if Mrs. White had something to say about this?

               ‘We’re gonna have a GREAT (big!) day!’

               Shut up Mrs. White…

               So an hour later that sexy night nurse comes in and there’s me and Sol sound asleep, all tangled up together In my bed, our ass bandages hanging half off and Sol snoring away  like the happy bitch he is. The nurse came up beside us and my eyes opened and looked up at him, sleepy and innocent. “I…” he started out, his face gradually turning red. “I – see – you’re feeling better,” and he burst out laughing. I didn’t know what he meant, until oh. Yeah, well you see… And then Sol farted. The nurse left, barely making it out into the hall, he was bent over so far trying to hold his stomach and silence his mirth, not that he had a chance.

               I didn’t know what to think so I thought I’d shove Sol a good one and get him the hell off me, which I did, and all he did was kiss my nose and crawl back to his own bed, sighing in loud and semi-faked ecstasy. I wanted to kill him. And the nurse. And then maybe myself, later.

               Well, the nurse came back in, told me his name was Todd and that he’d be our nurse for the day and he was glad to see… he couldn’t finish. “I have to change your bandages.  The doctor will be in later and just rip them off again, but oh well. He’s the boss, right? Apparently I wasn’t going to be killed or thrown in jail or have this put in the newspaper.

               “You’re in the paper again I see. Good on you! You are a real hero, you know. Now turn over, hero, so I can look at – your – ooh very nice.” (Was he supposed to pat my ass that way while ripping off the – HOLY FUCKING OW! Holy shit! Had I grown hair on my butt?) “Sorry,” he said, not sounding it. I reached back and pulled the pillow over my head. I tried to fart but couldn’t. Damn him.

               He didn’t move for a minute and I got scared. “What?” I finally asked, my voice so muffled I had to take the pillow off and try to sit up.

               “I’m sorry, it’s just that this bite looks bad. I don’t think you’ll be going home today. Or anywhere. Maybe across the hall though, if you promise to not take all the cheese Danish. I love those.”

               Oh shit.

               “I saw your boyfriend in the parking lot.”

               “He’s not my boyfriend.”

               “Tell him that. He’s loaded down with food for you and probably enough for Solomon too. I think he’s cute.” His voice dropped. “But then, I think this…” here he pinched my butt, “Is cute, too.”

He was rubbing ointment or something onto my bite. It felt good and awful at the same time. My dick was getting only the ‘good’ part of the message. I was glad I was on my stomach, so far.

               “Sit up – gently.” Believe me I was gentle. “Now;” he held out a little bag to me. “Look in there. See what they are?” Uh, yes. “Do you want me to show you how to put one on before the next time Sol or someone like Sol…” NO. “I got you the biggest size, since...” I KNOW, I thought, flushing bright red, remembering his hand on my dick making me urinate. Good god. My dick felt no embarrassment, however, only pride.

               “No! Uh, no – thank you – I believe I can figure it out.” I could feel my face flame with heat. I didn’t want to think about my dick, it was ready to salute the flag, the cheeky little bastard.

               “Are you sure? There’s a couple dozen in there. Will that be enough? Do you know where...”

               Saved! Lefty came in saying, “Hello, what’s up?”

               Oh God. Does the whole world know?

               God indeed. Todd stood up, turning to Lefty, saying, “I don’t think you’ll be taking him home with you today. Let me show you the bite that might be infected, here on his…” Turning from Todd to me. “Roll over again sweetheart,” and he winked at me in such a way that Todd could see him, and then ran his tongue over his lips. I swear to God that bastard was smirking at me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sol sitting up gingerly, watching. Todd put the bags of food on the table and came over. As Todd lifted my gown Sol came over. He was all I could see the way I was lying, and as he got right by my bed he pulled up his gown and lay his dick right in front of my face, with his gown draped casually back over it – and my head. Then he leaned over me, accidentally pushing down. And, sideways.

               “Now let me take off this old bandage…” Fucking liar! “And see this lesion and the…” medical terms flew from Todd’s mouth as he caressed my ass, his other hand lying on my other butt cheek and, er, in between. Every one of us was breathing hard and I could tell that at least two of us were hard. Me and Sol, of course. I could feel Todd’s thumb – if it was Todd and if it was his thumb – Ooookay! Enough! Another voice joined the fray. Well two, mine in a hesitant whimper along the lines of ‘oooooooooh’ and the doctor who had just come in (along with, I presume, his horde of retainers.)

               “Thank you, Todd, I see you have the patient all ready for me!” WHAT? I pushed myself upwards, launching pillow, Sol’s gown and dick and Sol backward, and almost went into orbit. I landed on my knees and felt stitches rip.  There was a dead silence as I knelt there oozing blood, a tent in my gown, hyperventilating but gee whiz, not crying yet, blushing everywhere. Sol started back toward his bed, muttering; Todd looked up at Sol and said, “Why Salome, how nice you look in that gown!” Tented gown, not his color, and ‘Salome’? Stage name? Lefty – left. I heard his guffaws hit as soon as he turned the corner out of the room. I pretended I ‘did this on purpose’, grabbed the bag of what turned out to be fresh doughnuts, and turned on my side, facing the window, my bare ass toward Solly/Salome, and stuffed a cream filled long john in my mouth. Todd left the room abruptly as I bit down and cream came out of my mouth. As soon as he joined Lefty in the hall, he started bellowing with laughter too.

               The bastards. All of them. Cream ran down my chin and I licked it up with my tongue, daring the doctor and his minions, whom I was now facing, to say a single word.